have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
