he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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