did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
