Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
