Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
