I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
