i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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