My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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