I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
