My room smells like vodka and shame
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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