you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
