another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
