a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize