what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
