My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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