Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
