either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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