Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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