i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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