and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
