Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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