am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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