It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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