I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
