Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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