The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
