You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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