just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
