just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
