I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
