so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
