The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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