Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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