ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
