Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
