fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
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So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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