Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
