i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
