somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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