you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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