Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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