I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize