Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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