I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
