A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
