i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
