I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
