just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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