He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
