I wish I could teleport
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
