So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
