I skipped work to stalk him.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
