I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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