he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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