found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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