One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
