I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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