It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
