Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This toilet bowl is my home.
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