Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
