As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
