I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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