I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
