She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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