i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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