i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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