her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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