Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
