I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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