xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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